Everyone should Own Their Anger
A very useful tool for dealing with an angry child is to help them own their anger, to realize the signs, and eventually reasons for their anger. Teaching kids to handle their anger will help them feel calmer and more peaceful. This will make it easier for them to get along at home, at school and out in the world. Family and friends will respect how well they can handle their own feelings. Best of all they will feel better about themselves! They will be stronger and healthier!
Teach kids How it Feels to Be Angry:
- Like their stomach is tied up in knots
- Everything inside of them is jumpy and has to get out
- Like their heart is beating out of control
- Want the world to get away from them
- Feel so mad that they their head could explode
- They want to take it out on somebody
- Get soooo tense
- Just want to break something
- Hands start to shake
The good thing about ANGER is that it gives you extra energy! Help kids understand that they get to decide how they use that extra energy from ANGER. They have the power to turn it into POSITIVE ENERGY. In order to do this – FIRST kids need to cool down so they can calm down. This will let kids get back in control. Help kids identify their triggers or “anger buttons.” Tell them “Think of these buttons as your anger buttons. You get mad when they are pushed.” Here are some reasons kids get angry:
- Someone taking or breaking their stuff
- Something does not seem fair
- Getting teased
- Being bossed around
- Being told to do something they don’t want to do
- Not being able to do something they want to do
- Getting left out of a game/activity
- Getting Criticized
- Not getting enough attention
It helps when kids know there anger buttons. Then when their “anger button” is pushed, they can STOP, take a deep BREATH and pull themselves together.
Another important step to teach kids involves getting to know their own “warning signs” – these come from their bodies. Such as:
- Start to feel hotter
- Get shaky
- Racing thoughts in their mind
- Head or stomach hurts
- Feel as if ready to burst
- Want to yell or cry
Tell kids to think of these body signs as their own personal “heads-up.”
Sometimes the littlest things can trigger anger, but how it usually comes down to a few very simple basic things like needing a snack,hug or drink.
Try to Use an Anger Puff to help your children calm down. The Anger Puff is a nice way for children to visualize anger and work out ways to feel better. Once the child has calmed down, had a drink and a hug it will be a lot easier to get to the cause of the problem and work it out calmly.
Try telling a story.
Every child, even before he is born, has a tiny Anger inside him.
The Anger is peaceful and happy as long as the child eats , drinks and sleeps enough.
Sometimes, though, when the Anger gets triggered, he makes the child he lives in angry.
He makes the child so angry that the child will yell and shout, opening his mouth
wide enough for their Anger to jump out.
Once the Anger is outside he will want to be cared for, so you need to look after him and
make him happy enough to go back inside your tummy and go to sleep.
How to make your own Anger Puff:
- A Balloon
- Tissue paper
- Googly Eyes
- Cardboard or pre-cut arms / wings
- White Glue
Mix 2 parts of water with 1 part of white glue.
Paint your balloon with this mixture and stick on the tissue paper.
(Leave the bottom of the balloon uncovered.)
We repeated this about four times.
Let it dry over night.
Once it’s dry pop the balloon and carefully remove it from the tissue paper.
Stuff your tissue paper ball with more paper, fabric scraps or newspaper, this will help
the Anger Puff keep his shape.
Once that is done glue some more tissue paper over the hole.
Now you are ready to decorate your Anger Puff,
give him a fun face , arms, wings, feet or maybe even horns!
Now it’s time to look after your Anger Puff.
When your little one gets angry get the Anger Puff and try and think of ways of making him
Does he want a drink?
Maybe he needs a hug or thinks it is a little bit too noisy?
Here’s a little picture to help you care for your Anger Puff.
Here are 10 ways to keep bad choices, anger and tears to a minimum
1. Meet Their Needs!
Most of the time kids get angry when they are thirsty,hungry or need to go to the bathroom.
As soon as you see your child getting upset think about when they last had a snack,drink or went to the bathroom.
**** Sometimes little ones don’t realize that they might need a drink or snack because they are too busy playing.
It must be really frustrating when you think that no one understands what you are trying to say, and that can often lead to tears. Saying things like “I know it is fun to play with your friends, and I know you would like to stay a little longer and play, but we really need to go home to cook lunch now.” shows your child that you understand them and care.
When things start to get a bit stressful around here, sometimes giggling together can stop an argument before it really begins.
Try saying “Shhh, do you hear that?” That will grab most children’s attention. Have a variety of answers together with your kids and have fun thinking of who it could be… Is it the Tickle Monster? Or maybe it’s the Tummy-Tickle-Fairy?
4. Let It Go
I know you are right, you know you are right, everyone in their right mind would agree with you, so why can’t your 5-year-old see sense? Well, mostly because she’s 5 and she likes to be right sometimes. If it’s unimportant just let it go. It really doesn’t matter whether she colors in Dora-the-Explorer’s shirt in green even though it’s orange. If they don’t want to wear a coat even though you know it’s cold let it be their decision but take the coat along anyway. When they ask for it don’t say “I told you so!“. (It’s so tempting sometimes, isn’t it? ) Let go what you can, because it can’t be easy being a child.
5. Set Them Up For Success!
I love this one because it builds self-confidence and happier children. Give your child tasks they can complete. Sweeping the kitchen floor, brushing her own hair and paying for things in the shop are great ways your child can be proud of herself.
If something does go wrong we just say “Oh well, that sometimes happens!” and move on.
Sometimes there is nothing better than a big hug. You might not feel like hugging anyone who just declared that you are not their best friend anymore, but do it anyway. Children need us, whether they know it or not, and children always, always need hugs. You can either just pick up your little one for a big hug or you can ask “Would you like a hug?” , both work and both will make you and your child happier. Of course you can’t force someone to hug you when they don’t want to, but you can always say “If you would like a hug I will be here for you when you are ready.”.
7. Listen To Your Heart.
It’s easy to get upset,worried and stressed when you worry about what other people think. Taking a child who is wearing a giant pirate-hat grocery shopping is only embarrassing if you worry about what people will think. Ask yourself whether you are arguing your point or someone else’s. The most important thing is that if you and your child are comfortable with what you are doing then it’s not worth an argument. Even if you have to take a little one in dress-up clothes to the park because it’s not worth an argument. If they are not too cold or too warm in what they are wearing then you shouldn’t have a problem with it. This goes for things they want to spend their pocket money on and other age-appropriate choices,too.
8. Take A Break.
Keep a box of special puzzles, crayons (glitter crayons work well for this!), and other quiet things to give to your child when you need a break. You need to look after yourself if you are going to look after anyone else, and a stressed parent will just lead to a stressed child, and that will lead to arguments and bad days, so hide in the kitchen, eat that secret chocolate you have been hiding from the children and have a cup of tea. You deserve it!
9. Clear Expectations
Tell your little one every day what you are going to do, One idea is to keep a little whiteboard hanging on their door and each night write a few things on there that you are going to do during the day, this gives your child some idea of what to expect.
Make sure they know what you expect of them when you go anywhere, for example “Today we will go to the park, I do not want you to run ahead too far and I don’t want you to make friends with grown-ups. After that we will have to go pick up some things from the shop, so when I call you I expect you to come with me without complaining, otherwise next week we won’t be able to go to the park before we go to the shop.” Have your little one repeat it all back to you to avoid misunderstandings.
10. Hit The Reset Button!
This last idea is such a brilliant way to turn a bad day into a good one. If you find yourself stressed, the children are grumpy or upset just hit the reset button. That could mean cancelling all appointments for the day, bringing a bunch of quilts downstairs, closing the curtains, making a big pot of toffee popcorn and watching a movie. Good movies in this case could be: Mary Poppins, The Wizard of Oz, Despicable Me and Meet the Robinsons. Of course this isn’t always possible , and on some days it can simply mean skipping a lesson and going out for ice-cream instead, or even just watching a movie instead of going to the park. Changing the rules a bit can be important and there is nothing better than having fun together to turn a bad day into a good one!
The most important thing is to find something that works for you and your family. ♥